How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
And then my night got REAL pukey
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
