whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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