From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
