Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
