I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
My vagina is very pro this idea
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize