The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Randomize
