Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
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