Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
