Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
