I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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