Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize
