just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize