wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
