Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
smell my finger.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
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