I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
