a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
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I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
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