Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
