I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
