So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
