can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
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