took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
