Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Randomize
