The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize