You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
