im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
