i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
