you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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