she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
