4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
