looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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