I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
