yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
