I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
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A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
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I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
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