Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Holy sore nipples Batman
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
