I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
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These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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