if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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