OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
