Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
