Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I just made out with a guy for $7.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
