we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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