I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
