we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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