Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
