I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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