Can i not drive my cunt home
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
