Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
How naked do you want me to be?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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