I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"