i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
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Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
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The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm