Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
