Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize