Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
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Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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