my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
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i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
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I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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