I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
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It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
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In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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