Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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