if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
