My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
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