he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Randomize
